Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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