He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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