rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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