The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
