today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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