I feel great
I just peed on a car
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
