a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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