I puked a lego.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
