All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
