At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
