PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
