An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
