I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize