Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
