I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
