I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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