Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
