i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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