Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize