**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
