So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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