And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
