come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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