oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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