CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
