Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
