just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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