he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Randomize