cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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