I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
