i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
