Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
