Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
