You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
