i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize