She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
