He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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