Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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