so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
