This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
