I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please, let me fuck your mom
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
