I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
