You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
