I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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