i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
