that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
