You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
