Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
