There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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