After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
