where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
