My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
