I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just invented taco cereal.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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