he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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