I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
