I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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