I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
