Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
