What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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