Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
