I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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