she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
