I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
