ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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