I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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