Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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