Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
