I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
