bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
