I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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