Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
