Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
