I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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