She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I smell like Dick and happiness
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
