You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
