im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
