i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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