I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
