Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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