if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
