You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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