just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
