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i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize