i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
