I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
