I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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