I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize