I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
